Must be posted by 9:45p.m

Today was a long and exacerbating day. Lots of running from here to there and handling the crocodile tears of a 4 year old deeply upset by my decision to not by her ridiculously expensive clothes for her dolls. Stupid Mall. Stupid prices. Stupid economy.

And I was running on like 3 1/2 hours of sleep..... courtesy of insomnia, Adam, and a horrible nightmare about zombie's attacking me an at the very end of it, right before I awoke, they snatched Winter out of my arms and I could hear her screaming while they pinned me down. It was a horrible nightmare. A horrible disgusting nightmare.

Anyways this blog entry can't be long because I am being babysat *cugh cough* Leavitt. She knows how cranky and tired I sound because we just got off the phone.. And she's right.. my eyelids are heavy and i could use the sleep.

goodnight

11:30 - 11:46p.m.

I feel sick. My tummy doesn't feel good. I sound like I'm 4 when I say that. Maybe thats a sign of my maturity level. I like cartoons? I like little kid things. Maybe I am a 4 year old at heart. I love bugging the crap out of people... 4 year olds seem to be real good at doing that. So I accomplished talking to Leavitt,, and Adam tonight. Leavitt called me to tell me I officially (but apparently I've always had) obtained best friend status. It was cute. Se makes me laugh. Leavitt lives in California and has to be one of the most impressing people I know. We have a lot in common. And she's a HUGE sweetheart.

Derek is....... well we hang out. He is the most confusing person ever. EVER. We pretty much spend our time talking about being single parents and our kids and how we did this with child; or we did that with child. He makes me laugh really hard too, but he does send this.... be afraid of what I say around him thing. I don't like that. I've never been one to sit back and not say what I've had to say before. Maybe I've just learned that there is a time and place for everything and that some arguments just aren't worth having the fight over. hmmm....

Adam is Winter's dad. He's my ex. We're on.. decent terms. Sometimes he drives me up a wall and sometimes he isn't so bad. He knows a lot about me. Things that not a lot of people know. Which in turn is probably not a good thing... I've always been one to learn the hard way. Adam use to be my boss at Big 5... probably not the smartest idea hooking up with your boss, but what can I say. I've never been good with rules. =)

Winter turned 3 months old today. She is getting so big. I went through her stuff and started putting it aside to send to Sam. I mean, what else am I going to do with a crazy amount of baby clothes. keep them just in case I have another baby? I think no. I mean I would love to have another baby. But not now. Not until there's a ring on my finger and a steady man in my life who loves me and Winter. She will always have Adam, but I want to know the man that I marry can love and care for her too.....

okay. I'm done. Coughing sucks. P.S.

Saturday

I officially don't like today. I don't like it at all. Punch me in the face.

stupid internet

4:05 am Friday MOrning

I am typing this on my word processor cuz my internet is wack. I will copy and paste at a later date. I woke myself and Winter up because I was coughing up a lung. I would like nothing more than to stop coughing. I hate coughing. It’s ugly. But one interesting fact caught my eye when I woke up.. A envelope signifying a text message on my cell phone. Him. The past. Why must he send me text messages? Isn’t he busy living his life? Isn’t he busy not changing? Uhg. I hate that. And then stupid me actually responds. Dumb Dumb. I really hate myself right now. You know you get to a certain point where you are just sick of being the one chick who’s the back up plan. I should get a shirt that says that. Back Up plan. FML…. I don’t like anything. don’t like that it’s becoming bathing suit season, or that it’s spring break for most people. I hate that my birthday is coming up. I don’t want to do anything. I want to hibernate and not do anything. I know I am saying that right now and that it might change on my birthday, but I just don’t have the enthusiasm to even plan something. I just feel like hiding under a rock until it’s done and over with. I think I come off desperate. Too desperate. For friends. For someone special. I feel ugly on the inside. Back to sleep.

Nyquil && Dreams

I took my Nyquil last night. The recommended dose and man did I have the most ludacris dreams one could have. They say that those who chug cough medicine talk to God. Might I add that the "they" I speak about are none other than those who chug the cough medicine.

So I didn't have this great revelation or anything, I did however dream of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And by Smith, I mean Will and Jada. Thats right. And we went to Disneyland and my granny was there. And I got caught in this whole fight with Will's brother Dennis about him calling me a whore because of the room I was staying in. Which you could get to by this pop out, push in, pull down maneuver in the ceiling. And when I went to seek out comfort from Jada I noticed two strange things. One, her daughters were white and two, they had apple jacks looped through their hair. Weird. I think I will pass on Nyquil from now on.

I Just Wanna...............

Oh dear.. It's midnight. I should be sleeping, but I can't Winter's fast asleep... snoozing away. T.V. is on and it's stuck on my favorite ultimate paranoia channel.. DISCOVERY HEALTH CHANNEL! Chica chica what?!? Yes. I am addicted to the craziness of this channel. All of it's trans-gender, Pregnancy, and mystery diagnosis make me love it. Well, I was just messaging Sam on FB about her newly stated mommy title. I realized, it is really hard to be a single mom. All the ups and downs. The emotional struggle along with everything else. It is emotionally draining. I love my daughter and I wouldn't change the decision to have her at all, but it is a lonely life. I don't leave the house all that often and I dont go party like most kids my age. And it's not even that I want to, it's just sometimes I wish I had the option. I don't have anyone to hold me when things go wrong. Yes, I have people I can turn to to talk to about it, but I it's not the same as having that ONE person there. Your other half. I start to doubt that there is another half to me. The possibility that there might not be is always lurking there..... I know everyone says I'm young, but it seems like the "in" thing to do. Marry or find the one at that young age. I dont know.

I'm still sick so I am going to take nyquil and pass out. Goodnight

Disney/Nickelodeon

I reek. Something nasty too. I need to take a shower. A good shower after you've been sick is next to the best thing ever! Winter is still sick. I feel so bad for her. All coughing and stuffy. My niece is watching Hannah Montana. Personally, I'm not fond of her. I mean, she can't sing. And I don't think she's pretty at all. Selena Gomez though, now thats a girl who can sing. Although she just is the hispanic version of Miley Cyrus. Who is the future washed up Britney Spears.

Check this picture out ------->

I have to say it is somewhat dissapointing to see the Disney youth go bad, but most have. Sure Nickelodeon drops the big G word a lot, but I don't recall Nickelodeon's kids go haywire. I hope the best for her but I won't be buying any Cyrus crap anytime soon.

I'm Not Down With The Sickness

I finally accomplished connecting to the internet while laying in bed. Dying, if I might add. No, I'm not really dying just feeling as if I am dying. I have a cold. A nasty little bug which has decided to inhabit my body for a few days. Which means a spread of cold medicine's and tissues and Vick's Vapor rub. Uhg. Being sick is ultimately the worst feeling in the world. I feel horrible too because I don't want to get Winter sick. My Poor little girl :( She seems to be fending it off better than myself. Lucky her. I can hear April talking in the living room with Suri? I have no clue how to spell her name. And she's been best friends with my sister since middle school. Ridiculous. Tomorrow is Wednesday....and I think there's a bunch of important stuff happening. And my empty head can't remember. I know Thursday night Sarah and I have pizza puzzle night. Yea, we're strange. But Strange people make the world a better place.

The Beinning

First let me introduce myself, my name is Airell and this is my blog. I will tell all. No secrets, No lies. But the honest and brutal truth about me and the people involved with me. Honesty is the for front of all relationships. Therefore, should you choose to become an avid reader of my mixed up life beware that should we be to ever meet; I might just blog about you.