fill my boat with stones and watch me sink seven leagues under the sea

I just don't want to feel right now. I just don't want to feel like this at least. I am in love with someone. Someone who can't change. I know you arent supposed to ask people to change. I know you're not supposed to want people to change. You are supposed to love people for who they are and I do love him. I do. I think about him all day. But some days, like today I feel like he loves someone else. Maybe we are so completely wrong for each other? Is that possible when we get a long so well??

All I want is for him to want and do better for himself. Everything else will fall into place. But until he sees what a good person he is. Until the up and down roller coaster of emotions ends... I just don't know. I feel second best to everything else. I wish he could talk to me. I wish he could tell me something and stick to it. I wish he loved himself.

But he has to want to change and he doesnt. I just dont know what to do anymore. I dont know who to talk to about it because everybody else's opinion doesnt really matter to me. I want so much for it to all work out. For this to be my happy ending. That fairytale. I am in love with the impossible.

I just want to wake up and for everything to be better.

I want this nightmare to end.