FML

A whole day of 16 and Pregnant makes me feel like I'm a good mom because some of those girls are dumb bad moms. I don't want to be a bad mom. I want to be a great mom. Someone my daughter can go to for anything. I have serious doubts in myself though. What if I screw up. I don't want her to suffer, or to hate me for anything. But if memory serves me right; mothers and daughters were born to fight.

My birthday just seems to be inching closer. I want to hide under a rock. No one wants to do anything I want to do.. and the things I think of just are too expensive. I don't have the money to spend do anything. I'm to stressed out about buying a car and getting a job and finding daycare. I wish my life was simpler. But I made my decisions and now I have to deal with them. I am so stupid. My life will fall apart. I can tell. I will crash and burn. I'm teetering on that feeling right now. And yes I know there are people I can talk to who are willing to listen to me, but it doesn't matter. There's nothing they can do. There is no way they can help me. I really cant describe how mush of a struggle this thing is. I want to make the best life for my daughter, but there are serious doubts in myself. I am not a positive thinking person all the time so hearing the stupid positive things makes me hate my life a little bit more.

I just want all the stupid puzzle pieces to come together. I'm done doing it alone. I'm done being stuck in this house.I'm done being broke. I better have my shit together by the end of this year or else I give up. seriously.